Mental Post-Its

Thoughts, Notes, and General Mental Mayhem

Tag Archives: Kristi Porter


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Letter to a Friend

Dear, Friend –

I don’t know where quit to begin. My mind is rushing with thoughts at the moment and I feel a little bit like I’m drowning in them. The dam is about to break, so first, excuse me and second, hold on!

I’ve had drafts and revisions of this letter in my mind for weeks. Every time I thought about committing them to paper, I had a better excuse not to. Tonight I’m at the point where I cannot go to bed without doing it.

This monologue might better be served as an in-person discussion. I fully realize that thought. But you know me well enough to know that I can better express myself by writing…and well, I might cry if I saw your face as I said these things. No, scratch that. I would cry, and probably pretty hard. So, maybe this is better for both of us!

What am I alluding to, you ask? Get to the point, you say? What the heck is this all about, you wonder? Frankly, it’s about your life. Not just your “life” as, dare I say, trivial, as that may seem, but about your existence. Your daily living. Your purpose. Your story. Your freedom.

Do I have your attention yet???

We’ve known each other for years and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy and appreciate your presence in my life. You’ve been a wonderful person to me to laugh with in the good times and process with in the more difficult ones. You have always remained a source of encouragement. I can’t tell you what that means. I know we don’t use this word a lot these days, but I cherish you. And I’ve thought so many times of the letter you wrote to me last year on my birthday. You expressed how much you trust me. You told me that again recently. That fact means so much to me. I am so honored by it. We don’t get to spend a lot of face-to-face time together but I feel joy every time we do. I’m so grateful for how much our friendship has grown over the years. You are a blessing to me. In fact, I see so many reasons God has put you in my life. And that brings me to this point.

I’m not going to try and lay a sense of guilt or shame on you. I’m not even going to try and convict you or “save” you. Why would I? You already believe in God and Jesus. But what I am going to do is tell you what I want for you. I want you to know the fullness of Christ and live in His freedom.

I was working on a project with one of our common friends tonight and we were talking about values. These weren’t values that we thought were good, or even great. They were values that we’d die for. We fell on four: freedom, story, relationships and growth. Freedom means the ability that we have to fully recognize the weight and beauty of what Christ did for us on the cross and live with Him forever, starting now. Story means that I can understand how I am connected to God as well as everyone and everything else; my life has purpose and my actions affect the world around me. Relationships are important because life is lived best among people, those who do know Christ and even those who do not yet know Him. We chose growth because it’s a universal concept; everything living is growing. But it’s always a choice to grow in a healthy manner. These may not be the four words that two other people would use, which is perfectly fine, but we feel these words lay at the core of all the others. They are the reason we get up in the morning.

And as I thought through these individually and their connections to each other, I thought of you. Yes, my friend, I would die for you. I love you that much. I’m sorry if I haven’t made it that clear before now.

This may surprise you, but many people who love Christ as I do decide not to share Him with others. I don’t even think that it is a conscious choice. This isn’t at all because they are bad people. It’s usually because they are scared. Like everyone else walking around the planet, they are scared of rejection. I know, I’ve been there. Sometimes it is with strangers, but I think mostly it is with people they care about. They don’t want to lose that relationship because they value it. Seems almost ironic, doesn’t it? You don’t share something you love with someone you love because you are afraid of losing love.

When I originally started drafting this letter in my head a few weeks back I dwelt for a long time on the last paragraph. And I wasn’t afraid of losing your love or friendship. I just wanted to go at your pace. I wanted to tell you these things when you were at a place you could fully hear them. But for whatever reason, I feel God quickening that pace. I feel great urgency in gushing all of this to you as I am now. It cannot be contained any longer. Perhaps you are in a place to hear.

Here’s another paradox of sorts for you: I care so much about you that I’m willing to risk my relationship with you. That’s right. I’m willing to throw all those years of memories down the tubes because I love you that much. What do you think of that? My dear friend, I am desperate for you know Christ as I do. He is not a great man from a large book who lived a long time ago and did some awesome things. He is a living, breathing Savior. He endured separation from God, the Creator of the Universe, for me…and you. And He is literally dying to be in an intimate relationship with you. I hope this doesn’t sound too “out there” or anything. It isn’t meant to be. I just want you to understand the depth and weight involved in this process. Again, I know you believe in Him. But do you believe Him? Do you trust Him as you would me?

Let me give you a great example from my favorite movie of all time, The Wizard of Oz. I feel like most people, even many Christians, walk around stuck in the black and white of Kansas. After all, over 40% of the US population says they are Christian. How many truly live by that ideology, though? Wouldn’t it be an amazing place if they did? To this group, everything appears a little dull and lifeless, whether they realize it or not. There is good and there is bad. And there’s even a lot of gray to navigate, which is where we get stuck a lot. There is a routine to life and tasks to perform. But inside all of us, there is a desire to be over the rainbow – to know and live and be somewhere bigger than ourselves. It’s a beautiful place but it’s not quite attainable. And we know it’s not quit attainable because we are constantly trying to buy or do or see or feel more to get us over there. But all we can see is black, white and gray.

There is another side, though! When we fully understand who Christ is and who we are in Him, that is who He designed us to be and what purpose we are specifically to live out, we open the door. (Yes, it does usually take the cyclone to get us there!) And on the other side of that door is color like we’ve never seen or imagined! We get over the rainbow and we didn’t have to die to do it! Sure, it’s not heaven so there is still pain and suffering and hardship. But there is also a group who travels with us to encourage us along the way and make memories together. We do life together and we experience it more fully because we have a common purpose and we are not alone.

I think that Dorothy could be trying so hard to get back home because the other people she loved, her family, where stuck in black and white. She still saw how beautiful over the rainbow was, despite it not being exactly as she imagined. I think when she went back home she had a greater understanding for the black and white life, yet she carried the color in her heart. It had changed her. She grew in the process.

Maybe that’s all a bit of a stretch for you, but let’s roll with it, ok?

But that’s a little story of what I want for you. Color floods my heart and I dream for it to flood yours, too.

We’ve talked on a couple of occasions about some of the damage that’s been done to you by people who called themselves Christians, and within the walls of a church. My heart literally aches and my eyes fill up every time I stop to think about it. But all I can say is that I’m sorry. I would tell you a thousand times if that would simply fix it. However, what I am telling you with everything in me that is not the way Christ designed His Church. It should be a place of love, grace, mercy, compassion and Truth. It should be the expression and embodiment of who He is here on this earth. But as long as He allows imperfect people to become members, including myself, we are stuck with that predicament. All we can do is learn from the past, live in the present and look to the future.

I hope and pray that you have learned a different meaning of the Church from being around my friends and me. At least, that is what you said, and I am taking you at your word. I trust that you would tell me the truth. We are very broken and imperfect people, but we strive to be the Church that Christ calls us to be. I want you to see that there are other models out there. All are only replicas of the original, but each is trying in their own way to look like the masterpiece. I desire for you to more frequently be the Church with us.

So, I think I’m running out of thoughts, or at least words. I guess that leaves me with expectations…

I expect you to respond to this in whatever way works best for you. That may mean we talk about it, email about it, allude to it – or we don’t. I respect your choice 100%. After all, it’s yours to make. Please do not feel any pressure or obligation. I didn’t write it for that purpose. I wrote it to express my heart to you, as I feel God asked me to do, and that’s it.

There are also a few expectations you can have for me. The first is that, no matter how you respond, I will still love you as a dear friend. You may be very ready to talk about this or you may never be ready to talk about this. Either way is for you to decide. The second is that I will not bring this up again unless God asks me to. The ball is in your court. And the third is that, as I have done for years now, I will continue to pray for you. I pray for you because I genuinely care about you.

Ok, guess that’s about it. I’ll be seeing you soon, hopefully over the rainbow.

Love,
Kristi


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Missional Communities

Many of you have asked me what this “missional community” thing is that I’ve immersed myself in. I recently found a good explanation from my friend, Gailyn Van Rheenen, who has a heart for training people to be a part of this movement. Here is what he says…

Missional churches are theologically-formed, Christ-centered, Spirit-led fellowships who seek to faithfully incarnate the purposes of Christ. They are communities formed by the calling and sending of God and reflecting the redemptive reign of God in Christ (http://www.missiology.org/mmr/mmr34.htm). These become church planting movements because a missionary impulse is embedded within their DNA. They are simple, replicable, and thus able to spread like a virus over a geographic area. These missional churches are, however, fragile in their inception because the first step is “making disciples.” This disciple-making takes time because followers of Jesus must be nurtured as they grow to spiritual maturity and become God’s sent people on mission with Him. I believe that missional DNA exists in every faithful Christian and every local church but nurturing and equipping are necessary to unleash it in neighborhoods, families, work places, and third places.

That is probably a much more eloquent way than I’ve been explaining it, so I hope this helps. I will certainly be talking more about it here and to many of you verbally, but just wanted to throw this out there.

Happy Friday!


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Sponsoring Hope

I did something last Sunday night that I’ve wanted to do for several years now…sponsor a child through World Vision (www.worldvision.com). Take a look at Claudine’s adorable, little face. It’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. Yep, I’m already in love.

Just a little about her…
Claudine is from the Democratic Republic of Congo, former Zaire. She just turned five a couple of weeks ago. She lives with her mother and one sister. Her mother works in the agriculture industry. She loves to play with dolls and she runs errands for her family as her primary chore. Her health is satisfactory.

Reading those stats, you wouldn’t really understand the reason I chose her from all the other precious faces. But if you aren’t too familiar with the DCR, and I wasn’t until Sunday, it’s a worn-torn country that sits in Central Africa. It’s the third largest country on the continent. The average annual income for a family is $120, one of the lowest in the world. Less than half of the population have access to clean, safe drinking water. This issue alone can cause 80% of the world’s diseases. Also, less than half of the children are in school. But the children may be more preoccupied with whether or not they will be recruited as a soldier or slave, so survival trumps education. Over the last few decades, there were two civil wars, referred to as the Africa World War, in which over 5.4 million people were killed. Poverty is severe here, as is malnutrition. The AIDS/HIV epidemic has also infiltrated the country, and Claudine’s family lives in an infected area.

I also knew I wanted to sponsor a little girl because I have been given so many advantages here in the US, and there are so many girls and women who are at a major disadvantage because they are female. So I wanted to help create opportunities as others did for me. A study conducted by the United Nations concluded that women’s rights and fair treatment was not a priority in the DCR and in fact, women were treated extremely poorly in some circumstance. There is even the existence of “female circumcision” which is more of a mutilation to these young girls. Girls and women are frequently bought, sold and traded for work or sex.

And that’s a little about the country…

It’s so difficult to read those things from the comfort of my living room, laying on my couch, in the air conditioning, with quick access to cable/internet and a refrigerator. I don’t really look at that and feel bad for the things I have, because I have more than just things. I have a responsibility. I desire to see the life of others improve because of God working in and through me. I desperately want change. And I have hope that it can…but I can’t do it alone.

I really wish I could just jump on a plane tomorrow and see Claudine in person. Hug her and give her presents. Let her know someone else cares for her and is praying for her. And maybe one day that will happen. But for now, some of the luxuries I’ve been given will be used to help her and her family. It may sound silly, but I did finally find one of those great things that you can put a price tag on – HOPE. For $35 each month, I am sponsoring HOPE for Claudine. Because of me, she can go to school, have access to clean water, give money to her family, buy food, wear suitable clothes and yes, have a future. Some of these things may have only been dreams over a week ago. I am honored and overwhelmed to be a part of this process. I know it’s a process I chose, or maybe I didn’t, but it is so exciting to know that one person’s life could be drastically changed because I wrote a check once every thirty days. It was easy for me, but course-altering for her. And it connected me to this tiny, little soul a million miles away that will also change me. I instantly felt love, gratitude, protective, stewardship and so many other things the moment I submitted my sponsorship. So maybe I also gave myself a little hope; hope that in all the pain and suffering and injustice in the world, I have made it better. And the best part, you can, too.

If this touched your heart in some way, I’d ask you to take a look around http://www.worldvision.com. I think they have a lot of amazing things going on. And if you don’t have $35 each month, they have down to $20 to help end human trafficking and even smaller gifts like purchasing chickens for farms. So, whatever you can do, it’s enough. Small amounts add up. Cutting out one coffee a week or one lunch a month or whatever you decide, it all matters. But how can we, as educated Americans know about an injustice like this and do nothing?

You can no longer claim ignorance. You can only claim action. Find a path, whatever works best with your gifts and strengths, and walk in it. Sponsor some hope.


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Story Time

I had dinner with a good friend tonight and I realized that though we’ve known each other for over three years, I’ve never heard her life story. (I love stories!) So, I asked her to share hers with me. She kind of rushed through until I would stop and ask her questions along the way. She thought her story was boring.

I used to have the same perspective of my own story. I thought my life was incredibly ordinary or, to me, somewhat disappointing. As far as knowing Jesus, I always did. I’d never been a drug addict that turned from my wicked ways. I’d never sown those wild oats in college to overcome insurmountable regrets after salvation. I’d never heard God’s voice audibly in the middle of the night. Heck, I’d never even had a cavity, seen a national monument or lived in two different houses till college. I hated when people asked me about myself because I got bored hearing it.

Then, in the spring of 2003, I had a conversation that changed my life, and my story, forever. It was with a friend of mine named Don. I was going through one of, if not the, most difficult experiences of my life to that point. I went to him and asked him for his advice on the situation which was moving back from New York. New York had been my dream since I was eight years old and now it had come shattering to an end. I was devastated and heartbroken. One of the things he shared with me was the healing power of my life story. Don told me that as difficult as it was to talk about, it would help me to talk about it. And the more I talked about it, the easier it would get.

Though at the time it seemed like an impossible wound to heal from, I gave it a try. It took quite a few tries before I could tell it without tears streaming down my face, but he was right. Time and talking about it did help heal me from the pain. And it was such a significant time in my life that it became part of my overall story. Since then, it has even served as comfort for others who have had to mourn lifelong dreams or go through painful situations. I talk about it also because I have learned from it. I’m also an external processor, so it helps me to make sense of things when I can talk them out.

As significant as that chapter of my life is, it is still only a part of my story. There are so many bits and pieces. There are so many life-altering experiences that I only realized the importance of after the fact. Just like everyone else, all of these small things add up to create a thread that runs from my beginning to my present to my dreams for the future. It helps me understand myself and you understand me as well. It adds perspective.

For two years, I was a freelance writer. It was one of the greatest times of my life because it deepened my faith in a way I could’ve never guessed. I learned big time dependence and surrender to the Lord because I was dependent on Him for provision constantly. Most every week for those two years, I didn’t know if I was going to have another job the following week. I was hoping and praying bills would get paid. That may sound really scary, but it really wasn’t for me. It was a time when I could see God in a tangible way I’d never known Him before. I loved it. And it certainly kept me on my toes! It was a great time of growth for me.

I nicknamed that time “My Time in the Wilderness”. I was just kinda wandering and wondering. There were a lot of unknowns. I stepped out on faith because I felt God had called me to it and He gave me peace in return. But it was definitely a position I’d never been in before. So, during that time, I read in the Old Testament about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land. I just figured we had a lot in common. But it was crazy how my life would parallel what was happening in the Bible. It came alive to me and I could see how to relate it to my circumstance in a whole new way. God provided for them as they needed, and no more than they needed at a time. He also led them to where they were going. He was with them. And of course, the Lord, was doing the same for me.

But much like the Israelites, I was a complainer. There were days I wanted more than quail as they did, or kept wondering how much further to the Promised Land or longed for the comforts of security. Not coincidently, He reminded me the same as He did them, that He was in the middle of this mess. God had taken care of them and He would do the same for me. Every time they complained, they were reminded of the captivity they’d come from. God reiterated their story…His story and their place it in. And without fail, every time I became discouraged or frustrated, God gave me an opportunity to share my story with someone. Every time. When I finished telling it, I was amazed at the adventure I’d been on. I couldn’t believe I was living in that story! It was such a privilege at that point. I had a great story!

I believe it is the same with everyone. It’s kind of like watching your own hair grow. Sometimes we look at the same thing every day and don’t see any change. But when we broaden our perspective and tie the whole thing together, we can see it more clearly. We are miles and years from where we were, spiritually, emotionally, physically, whatever. But it took all of those things to get us to that point.

God has a plan for each of us. I truly believe that statement. He invites us all to be a part of His story. And when I look at my role in The Story, I am humbled. I got asked. And I am playing my role. My own little thread runs through the fabric of time. I matter. Though my role may never be someone like Billy Graham, I’m significant. Yes, The Story can happen without me, but the point is that God doesn’t want it to. So, my answer is yes. I’ll join in!

When you look at your story like that, why wouldn’t it be grand?!?!?! It’s epic! It is part of The Story! It is full of events that bring God glory. It is a testimony of His love for this one, little person. One person out of six billion. And yet, it is mine. There are a lot of things people can take from me if they want. My story is not one of them. Yet it is woven with so many others. My story didn’t happen alone. He put all kinds of “random” interactions with strangers in between meaningful conversations and experiences with friends and family. They all add up to be words, phrases, sentences and chapters in my story.

Some of the most significant moments in my life are incredibly depressing. Some are thrilling. Some still make me laugh out loud. And I believe God was beside me in all of them. The Holy Spirit was guiding me along His path. Sometimes I took the right steps but there were quite a few I didn’t. All still matter.

I hope I was able to help my friend see that her story is not boring or insignificant. It is hers. I care about her and want to know her better, so I loved hearing it. It helps me understand her. I can see more of where she is coming from. I can see the unique ways God has worked in her life. That is quite valuable to me.

I don’t like to tell my story because I like to hear myself talk. I love to tell my story because I see God’s fingerprints all over it! I would say 99% of the experiences I’ve had were never planned by me. They were all Him. And I’m so thankful. They are so much better than what I wanted. My story is a witness of His work in my life. I believe the same is true for each of us.

Please do yourself a favor. Do someone else a favor. Share your story.


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Olympic Efforts

Hello, my name is Kristi and I’m an Olympic junkie.

Seriously, I LOVE the Olympic games! I’ve been counting down the days till Opening Ceremony and am now thrilled that they are here. It’s something I’ve always been in to, which is ironic because I never watch any sort of sports. Mostly, I could care less, but there is something special about these games that draw my attention every two years. Actually, there are a few special things:

1. Average Joes – these athletes are in peek physical condition, yet they are the most like us regular people. They aren’t like pro athletes in that they have million dollar homes and entourages. There are very few with product contracts. And some of them even have to raise money or save up to be in the games. One family even talked about how they didn’t give gifts or go on a trip for Christmas so that they could spend the money to get to the games. Another female athlete pushed back her wedding date so her family could afford to both attend the Olympics and her wedding. These games have heart. They aren’t in it for the money, they are there for the love of the sport.

2. Good Stories – I actually really enjoy all the commentators at the events. They are able to provide the background on the athletes and countries, and they all seem to have such wonderful stories. I want someone to cheer for, and these people are handed to me. This gives me a greater connection to them because I now understand them better. I know where they’ve come from to get there. And it gives me the desire to cheer and root for them more, even if they are from other countries. I really want Canada to win a gold medal, because they have never won one on their soil, though this is their third time to play host!

3. Participation – I think it’s inspiring to see the countries show up to the Olympics that only have a few athletes competing. This year there were several with only one. I am glad they decided to come and participate, not with great dreams of winning but simply with the spirit of belonging. They still have as much right to attend as more developed countries but they have more obstacles to overcome, yet here they are. I think that is really cool.

4. Loyalty – Not that I’m an unproud American, but I probably never feel more patriotic than during the Olympics. It was nothing short of thrilling to see Michael Phelps win his record-breaking medal in the last Olympics. And it was just as exciting to see Apollo Ohno set another last night. I am proud to say that we are from the same country. I’m looking forward to cheering on many more of the same over the next two weeks. I have something in common with these people, and that is a great bond.

5. Perseverance – I often joke that if a movie is based on a true story, I have to see it because I know it’ll be good. Usually, these aren’t the movies that I would choose to see first, but I always know they’ll show someone overcoming adversity to do something incredible. It’s the same with the Olympics. I will watch basically any sport, even if I don’t know what it is or how it’s played, because there will be some amazing element to it. Someone will overcome adversity to stand on that platform and have a gold medal hung around his/her neck. They will triumph…and I’ll probably cry. There is almost nothing greater than seeing humans overcome odds to win.

6. Unity – I think one of the coolest things that happens during the games is the spirit of worldwide unity. Though we are competing against one another, we applaud each other’s efforts. We recognize and identify what it took to get to this place. We stand on common ground. It was heart-breaking to hear about the death of the 21 year-old luger from Georgia, but it was touching to see the world come together to mourn him and support his country.

7. Competition – I love a good competition. I’m a very competitive person, so I feel like these games are the height of competition. They are worldwide recognition of the best.

8. Knowledge – It seems like every Olympics there is a new sport, or even a new country, that I’ve never heard of. I really enjoy learning about the sport and what it takes to be good at it. And I always seem to learn more and more about the ones I’ve seen many times, or how they’ve improved it. We keep trying to be better, it’s in our nature.

9. Distraction – The Olympics are also just a nice break from the norm. They are this shiny, new, exciting toy we get to play with periodically. And before we have a chance to get bored with them, they go away. But just wait, they’ll be back!

10. Grandeur – Everyone wants to be part of something bigger than themselves and I think the Olympics is one of those somethings. Every two years I have an incredible two weeks. I see history-making stories unfold. I am part of the crowd cheering for my home countries athletes. I was one of the 68 million people who watched the Opening Ceremony. I am holding my breath as finish lines are crossed. I remember moments from the past that are still talked about. I am glued to my TV as records are set, tears are shed, and medals are awarded. I was there. And it was grand.

See, now with all of those reasons, why wouldn’t I love the Olympics! They are these things and so much more. They aren’t just games, they are monumental.

Now I have to go…the news is almost over and the moguls will begin soon…