If you know even just three things about me, one of those items is probably how much I love TV and movies. One of my favorite genres is anything to do with spies. Outside of that, I love action, end of the world, comedy, dramady, some SciFi, some fantasy, some romantic comedies, mostly fiction…ok, lots of different genres. (Mostly, you can just leave out Westerns, Reality and co-dependent teen vampire flicks, and I’m in.) Therefore, in my vast amount of research, I’ve been taking notes on how to survive almost anything–End Times, zombie apocalypse, kidnapping, bombings, physical attack, vampire awakening, virus outbreak, alien invasion and/or galactic invasion. And I’m here to share that knowledge with you. You’re welcome.
- a second language. You almost always need to be at least bilingual. This flaw is an American’s Achilles heel. I need to get back to practicing. If were are talking near future, learn Spanish. (See most stats for 2030.) Far future, Chinese. (See Firefly.)
- to pick a lock. Despite my asking for a lock picking kit for years, I’ve yet to receive one for my birthday or Christmas. Don’t be fooled, kids. A credit card won’t work on any real door. Get yourself a set of tools and practice. And all locks were not created equal, so don’t get cocky.
- kickboxing or another form of martial arts or higher level self defense. You must be able to defend yourself. This tactic should come in hand in almost any situation, except for evil wizards.
- Morse Code. Old school or not, it could prove to be invaluable in a variety of situations. It’s survived itself, hasn’t it? Morse Code would work for when the power goes out, when you need to communicate without words, or even in a German submarine.
- a warning phrase. You need to choose a phrase to communicate with your friends and loved ones in case you are in trouble. This simple exchange could communicate that you’ve been kidnapped, you’re cover has been blown or that your job won’t let you share that a meteor is headed to Earth in 19 hours. So, you may want to choose a few phrases, as well as one that says, “It’s ok. I was wrong. It was just a flock of wild geese flying backwards.” Don’t make it too obscure, though, or someone will catch on. Example: Jack and Sydney said that there was construction on the freeway.
- to like exercise. Let’s face it. In any of the movies where your life is on the line, these people are running. It’s the awful truth. Some strength training and running will come in handy. Watch The Firm or War of the Worlds. It could be almost anything.
- to wield a weapon. Let’s not make the mistake that there will always be a gun on hand, and that you can just point and shoot. You may want to take up an axe, bow and arrow, wooden stake or shank. It would also be helpful if you can make your own weapon, and several of the aforementioned lend themselves to that.
- to survive on less food. If it’s End Times, don’t count on a filet every night. Practice fasting, and it wouldn’t hurt if you learned to eat things you find in nature for good measure. Panham isn’t that far away.
- to push through your fear. Fear gets you killed. It makes you think slower. React and go. Remember, there are only two choices: fight or flight. Both involve action, though. One exception: only play dead if there is a bear nearby.
- who you can trust. You may think it’s easiest to survive on your own. It is realistic to think that there is a Brutus around every corner willing to sell you out for their own survival, cash, power or appointment within the alien regime. But the real truth is that you need your Ron and Hermione. Know who those people are.
Of course, there are probably a few other items that could be added to this list. What would you add? I’ve just tried to cover the basics for you. These topics will take you a while to learn, and you may discover others in the process. After you’ve mastered the above, you’re in good shape. Then you can move on, and hone other survival skills. But for now, congratulations in taking the first step. You’re well on your way. I’ll see you on the other side…
Note: even if you never have to use any of these essential skills, you’ll look way cool in front of your peers.