Mental Post-Its

Thoughts, Notes, and General Mental Mayhem

Tag Archives: Christian living


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King David was Bipolar

180471960Anyone else ever have that thought?

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as depressed/borderline bipolar about 10 years ago that the thought occurred to me. Shortly after, I was reading a Psalm and it struck me. Black and white, literally. This guy’s emotions are all over the place. Verse to verse—it changes constantly, many times within the same Psalm.

I’m not trying to be silly or anything. I actually took, and still take, great comfort in that idea. I’ve heard so many sermons in my life about David’s sins, and how God still considered him a man after His own heart, but I’ve never heard one about David’s mental stability. I rather like my perspective. It makes the Bible even more relateable to me. We just don’t hear enough about mental issues in the church. It’s a shame. A lot of us deal with those issues. And frankly, a lot more need to. Three cheers for counseling, and sometimes medication. 😉

King David was bipolar.

And he was still a great king, and

…a man after God’s own heart

…a giant slayer

…a warrior

…a son

…a father

…a husband

…a brother

…a poet

…a friend

…and so much more.

He’s one of my heroes.

He’s messed up, just like me. He needed God, just like me. He’s loved by God, just like me.

By the way, if Psalms were meant to be sung, has anyone ever considered how horrible they would sound? Many of them are so harsh it would be just scary to hear them set to a melody. Kinda like a slasher film set to an opera.

Just one girl’s opinion.

 

Check out my new favorite version of the Bible to read.

(Note: Amazon links are affiliate links.)


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Be Passionate

I think a lot people are bored with their lives. I think there are a lot of people not living a good story. I think a lot of people just coast through life, trying to make it from one goal to the next. They may not even understand why they are always looking to the next “thing” but trying to get there because society, or their friends, or their family, or some external source tells them it’s what they need to do. Maybe it’s a promotion. Maybe it’s a significant other. Maybe it’s a child. Maybe it’s a new career. Maybe it’s just one day of peace. Sadly, I think this describes an overwhelming number of people. Sometimes, I think it even describes me.

And it’s not terrible to have those days, except when you have them. But if you have them a majority of time, do something about it. Become passionate.

I just finished watching the movie, “Trade” on human trafficking. I’m kinda circling more of those movies right now because I just finished the book, Not for Sale. My stomach was in knots the whole time, and it wasn’t because of the plot turns or the characters, it was because of the issue. I wanted to jump through the screen and do something about it. A few years ago, when I was first introduced to the concept of human trafficking, and the fact that slavery still exists, I was left speechless and hurting. It gripped my heart like almost nothing else, and has not let go.

If you read this blog or talk to me, you know I have a real passion for the issue. I’m always trying to learn more. I support organizations that fight the issue. I give money. I share my knowledge with others. I want to do more. I need to do more. I’m compelled to do more. And now that I know about the issue, I must. I can’t turn away from it. My heart and my God won’t let me.

But this isn’t a post about human trafficking. It’s a post about passion. My point is that the days I invest time in this issue, I’m not coasting. I have purpose, and a fiery passion. I swear my red hair even gets redder! I want this trafficking to be a non-issue, and I’m doing my part to make that happen, in my lifetime or in the future. The point is that I’m involved.

What are you passionate about? What are you actively doing about it? What breaks your heart? What makes you happy? What cause can you give yourself to in order to live a better story?

There are lots of great ones out there. I know people who have a passion for clean water…adoption law…mentoring…literacy…fatherlessness….homelessness…autism…poverty…foster care…human rights…the elderly…hunger…or even just the betterment of one individual person at a time.

There is no shortage of problems, just of people willing to help. One reason I absolutely love the Millineal generation is because they are doers. They want to be in the thick of things solving problems. I find that not naive, but admirable. We could all learn from that.

I am a Christian first and foremost. And Jesus gave us the example of helping others. I want to be like Jesus. He doesn’t call us to an easy life filled with safety, security and comfort. He calls us to a radical life. Safety, security and comfort are not the reward. They were never promised to us as believers. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a promotion, or a spouse, or a nice home, or any of that stuff we’re supposed to want as part of the American dream. But if that’s my focus, I’m missing the mark. I may have a excitement over some of those things, maybe even passion. But they are still all external. They are not in themselves going to cause me to live a better story. I want to do radical things. I want a radical life.

We all crave to be a part of something bigger. God is written on our hearts, and that means that craving is part of us. But what will we decide to do with it? I imagine some people just bury it, stuff it down. Or dull it with some sort of substance. And then, unfortunately, too many people go looking in the wrong places to satisfy the craving, whether it be something more (or less) taboo like sex or drugs…or even as simple as affirmation from people we admire. We want to belong. There’s nothing wrong with that. But we are all given gifts to use for something. What are you using your gifts for? It’s a great feeling to use your gifts for something great and meaningful. It’s a tragedy to waste them.

What do your days look like? Are they filled with excitement and adventure? A lot of us really desire that. Or are you just passing your days, getting from one to the next, hoping the next will be better. Looking forward to the weekends, or the game on TV, or going to the bar with friends.

I have a theory. Well, I have a lot of theories, but just one for today.

I think the people who pay for sex (the “John’s”), whether legally or illegally, are bored with their life. I think they do what they do to feel excitement or even to dull a pain that’s inside them. I think if they had a real passion, and would give themselves to a cause greater than themselves, they’d do things differently. Believe me, I know it’s not that cut and dry on either side, but I think it’s a start. I think if they actually started living with a passion, instead of trying to manufacture a false sense of it, it would change the way they live and think.

I have some friends, Rocio and Jose, who are half Puerto Rican. I used to laugh at them both all the time because Rocio would say how passionate Perto Ricans are, and let me tell you, the two of them are walking references. I can’t imagine what they’d be like if they were full Puerto Ricans! They are bundles of endless energy who throw themselves into whatever they are doing and supporting. Luckily, they have really great mission fiends to channel that energy. But it was just fun to watch them. Those are the people you are drawn to. Those are the people living life.

Passionate is compelling. Passion is overwhelming. Passion gets things done. Passion is worth living each and every day for.

So, I ask you, why would you want to live a life of anything else? It just seems so meaningless. Keep your Mercedes. Keep your stock options. Keep your two-story home. I want passion. And you can’t buy that. But you know what, you can access it. It’s within you. God has placed it within all of us. Give it a try. (And let me know how it goes.)

Find out what you love. Find out what you hate. Tap into it.

Be passionate.

Edmund Burke once said, “all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”


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A Friend’s Take on the New Year: March 1 isn’t too late.

I just read this fantastic post by one of my very best friends, Daron. He’s been so influential on my life the last decade or so, and is the one who introduced me to my Word for the Year thinking.

Here’s the way he explains our tradition (much better than I):

I was listening to a podcast once about Jewish Holidays. It struck me that the Jewish faith purposely incorporates a time meant for reflection. I would not consider myself a Jewish scholar, but the rabbi on the podcast explained that three very important holidays, distinguished as “high holidays”, stood out from the rest. The rabbi described the Jewish concept of time like this. Imagine a spiraling river flowing upward around and around and around. Each time it completes a circular curve flowing just above the last it can be thought of as a year in the passage of time as we know it (the Jewish calendar is a little different from the western calendar, but roughly the same amount of time passes). The river moves forward ever winding and surging. Although the forward direction is always the same it is not linear, it does not leave its latest path in the past. It moves back, swirling just above where it just flowed. Now imagine three brilliant beams of light shooting up from below soaring up to the heavens as far as the eye can see. These beams of light touch the flowing, spiraling river at the same point in every rotation. These beams of light are the three high holidays. They bring together the past, present, and future. Despite the current location of the river, the beam of light is the same and brings tradition, connection, and stability every time it touches the river of time.

Two high holidays in particular caught my attention. These were Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year’s Day, and ironically the day of remembrance. It can be found in Leviticus 23:24-25. It is the day Jews look back not just over the year but also to the beginning of creation and to Adam to reflect. They take in how they measure up to the creation that they were intended to be and reflect of the flow of the river to this point, specifically to their personal point on the river. Most importantly putting creation into perspective with the concept of God‘s sovereignty. I am told that one of the practices of this holiday is to walk along a river bank and empty your pockets into the river (for the environmentalist out there, don’t you fret. The practice calls for filling your pocket with bread before hand). Symbolically this is the act of “casting off” sins. So, during this holiday you are taking stock in where you have come and where you have deviated from the path of God and from creation.

The next holiday, Yom Kippur, is 9 days later. It is the Day of Atonement. So, having taken stock of your life, your community, and your origins during Rosh Hashanah you recognize where you have fallen short and it is on this day of Yom Kippur you work to right your path. In Old Testament it was on this day that the “High Priest made an atoning sacrifice for the sins of the people. This act of atonement brought reconciliation between the people and God.” It can be found in Leviticus 16:8-34; 23:27-32. It is traditionally when Jews attempt to make amends to those they have wronged. It is a day of fasting and repenting of sins. In some respects it is a day to align and calibrate oneself with God for the coming wind in the flowing river. It is a day to start fresh and in step with the purpose for which you were created in the first place. A very cool holiday, I must say.

So after wading the deep waters of the concepts of time, atonement, and alignment I began to ponder. What would my life look like if I were standing at the end of the year that has yet to happen? How would my perspective on helplessness and the ziggy, zaggy nature of my life change? What would I do differently? What would I have done differently? As I found myself at the end of each year and imagined being there before it began I started to recognize patterns. Each year did flow into the next. I was just so focused on what was unfolding in front of me that I could not take in the perspective that God was sovereign and because I was aligned with him I was never helpless.

So, I set out to “live atoned.” There is a place where this idea is contemplated everyday. In the smoke filled rooms crowded with those who know a far heavier burden of the zigging, zagging peril of losing your way from creation a prayer is recited. This prayer acts as a life vest in the raging river of life for those caught in the grip of addiction. It is called the serenity prayer. “GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. – Reinhold Neibuhr, 1926”

This is a lot easier said than done. How do I balance the tensions of being fully present in my life while fully open to the desire of God for my life? I stand on the edge of the current year and ask, “Who am I with my current strengths and weaknesses, and in my current circumstances?” I do a mini Rosh Hashanah. I then take an imaginary motorboat to the end of the bend in the river and I ask, “Given who and where I was, with those strengths and weaknesses and in those circumstances at the beginning of this year, what will I say the year was about? What will I have been involved in? How will I have invested my time and energy? What would have been wise to think about and to do?” Then I race against the current back to the present for a mini Yom Kippur, a day of atonement. I calibrate with God, and live my life in a way for God to use me. I don’t force my desired path. I don’t make plans that cannot be broken. I simply do the things that I can do to make a way for God to use me and do the things only He can do. There are times God will still zig and zag, but I find that I do not feel as blind sighted. I find that aligning my day-to-day life brings the stability of a life connected to all He has done before me and all He will do once I am gone. I have the peace of a connected story.

To make this tangible I choose a theme word for the year. It is a word that describes the year to come. I am open for it to change (and it has), but it is a word that gives the year a sense of course. I also choose a scripture that embodies this word. It is often something that has leapt out to me as I read and attempted to align with God. It is not something that I try to shape for my own purposes or needs, but one that makes sense. It acts as a word of encouragement from God. Finally I choose a theme song for the year. Why a theme song? Well, because it is cool. Seriously, wouldn’t life just be so much better if you had theme music like a movie or your favorite television show? I mean seriously, how much better would driving to work be if the theme song from Magnum PI was playing in the background? There is a secondary reason for the theme song. It is a very effective antidote to the inevitable wane in momentum (think Rocky as he nears the top of the seemingly insurmountable series of steps to the tune of Eye of the Tiger).

And that’s a much more developed explanation than I gave. Great, now that he’s got it written down I can read this every year to get ready for the New Year! Thanks, Daron!


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Yet

I am currently reading through Psalms. I gotta say, it’s not my favorite. I know many people enjoy reading Psalms and Proverbs for their comfort, insight and wisdom. But I really have a hard time getting through them, and always have. I think it is because there is no real narrative. Lots of people feel that way about some of the other books of the Old Testament, but for me, I’d rather read through something like Lamentations because at least there is a story flowing through the book.

Anyway, the other night I read Psalms 22 and it struck me in such a profound way. I’ve read it before, but I guess that’s one of the beautiful things about the Bible…you can read through it over and over, and still find new insights. It speaks to me differently depending on where I am in life.

Psalm 22

New Living Translation (NLT)

1 My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
2 Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.

3 Yet you are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
4 Our ancestors trusted in you,
and you rescued them.
5 They cried out to you and were saved.
They trusted in you and were never disgraced.

6 But I am a worm and not a man.
I am scorned and despised by all!
7 Everyone who sees me mocks me.
They sneer and shake their heads, saying,
8 “Is this the one who relies on the LORD?
Then let the LORD save him!
If the LORD loves him so much,
let the LORD rescue him!”

9 Yet you brought me safely from my mother’s womb
and led me to trust you at my mother’s breast.
10 I was thrust into your arms at my birth.
You have been my God from the moment I was born.

11 Do not stay so far from me,
for trouble is near,
and no one else can help me.
12 My enemies surround me like a herd of bulls;
fierce bulls of Bashan have hemmed me in!
13 Like lions they open their jaws against me,
roaring and tearing into their prey.
14 My life is poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax,
melting within me.
15 My strength has dried up like sunbaked clay.
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth.
You have laid me in the dust and left me for dead.
16 My enemies surround me like a pack of dogs;
an evil gang closes in on me.
They have pierced my hands and feet.
17 I can count all my bones.
My enemies stare at me and gloat.
18 They divide my garments among themselves
and throw dicefor my clothing.

19 O LORD, do not stay far away!
You are my strength; come quickly to my aid!
20 Save me from the sword;
spare my precious life from these dogs.
21 Snatch me from the lion’s jaws
and from the horns of these wild oxen.

22 I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters.
I will praise you among your assembled people.
23 Praise the LORD, all you who fear him!
Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob!
Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy.
He has not turned his back on them,
but has listened to their cries for help.

25 I will praise you in the great assembly.
I will fulfill my vows in the presence of those who worship you.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied.
All who seek the LORD will praise him.
Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.
27 The whole earth will acknowledge the LORD and return to him.
All the families of the nations will bow down before him.
28 For royal power belongs to the LORD.
He rules all the nations.

29 Let the rich of the earth feast and worship.
Bow before him, all who are mortal,
all whose lives will end as dust.
30 Our children will also serve him.
Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord.
31 His righteous acts will be told to those not yet born.
They will hear about everything he has done.

I’d like to draw your attention to the “yet” at the beginning of verses three and nine. One of the things I’ve always loved about David, as the supposed writer of Psalms or at least many of them, is that he was a bit bipolar. He is loving life in one verse and cursing it in the next. I like to think it’s the artist in him. We are a sensitive bunch. I have no proof, but I suspect we are way more likely to experience things like depression than the concrete thinkers. So, in always being led by my heart and forever a drama geek, I appreciate a good show of dramatic flair.

And as I started this Psalm, I smiled at myself as I could see David heading for one of those hairpin turns. But then I got to verse three and I stopped. I reread it. I pondered. I kept reading. I saw it again in verse nine. I reread it. I pondered. I finished the Psalm.

It dawned on me.

David seemed to be having a pretty bad day. Like Jack Bauer 24 bad from the sound of it. But in the midst of it, he was able to have perspective. He got outside his circumstance to recognize God for who He was and is. I thought that was pretty remarkable. After all, we get pretty selfish (or at least I do) when everything seems to be against us. We (I) tend to draw inward and be consumed with our (my) own hardships. It’s easy to play the victim or remember all the other times things went badly. Especially if this has been a recent trend. And we know from reading any five, random Psalms that David had his share of bad days.

I admire, though, that he took time to talk himself through it. He stepped back and took a deep breath. The beginning of the Psalm has such a different tone than the end. At first he laments the things that are going wrong. Then he takes the time to recognize that God is still good, even when things are bad. He wavers a bit after that, but devotes the remainder of the verses to how he will still love and serve the Lord in spite of his circumstance.

I guess it’s easy to see in times like these why David was a man after God’s own heart. He was honest with God. He loved God. He shared his life with God. He even did a lot of complaining to God. He composed music and poetry for God. The foundation of it all came back to the fact that he desired a relationship with God. It’s a beautiful example of both God and David’s character.

Bad times will always be a part of life on this earth, yet God and His promises remain the same. There’s a time for eternal laughter, singing, joy and happiness…but not yet.


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My 2012 Theme

Well, as some of you may know, a few friends and myself pick a theme for the year, and have done so for the last few years. This tradition is loosely based on the Jewish Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. My friend, Daron, inaugurated it about five years or so back. Since then, I’ve really latched on to it and look forward to discussing my theme with close friends.

The basic idea is that instead of merely looking back at the year to see what happened at the end, you start the year by looking ahead to see what you think the year might be about. Then you use the theme as a lens in which to view things throughout the year and see if you can incorporate it. At it’s basis, it’s a way to be proactive/responsive to the year, and not let the year just happen to you. It’s an intentional way to live rather than reactive…which is how I prefer to live.

Now, come December, I start this process again. I evaluate the year, see how things went, remember what happened, take stock of my responses or reactions. Sometimes the theme has changed completely over the course of the year. Sometimes the theme still holds true.

2011 was an interesting year. Very different from others for a variety of reasons. After taking a hard look, I feel like the theme “Prioritize” held up pretty well for the first half of the year. For the second half, I’d say it was more like “Heal” because it was a time to recoup from all the changes life brought. Lots of changes during the year and the few months at the end of 2010. So, the latter half of the year gave me time for myself to rest. That’s not something I have ever been great at doing, in any way shape or form, so perhaps it was good that it was thrust upon me.

But I feel like I learned a few things along the way. After all, what a waste it would’ve been for me to go through it and not learn anything. And now I feel like I’m up for something similar and something different in 2012.

Anyway, all this is leading up to my 2012 theme. And after a period of reflection, I have decided to go with “Prioritize” again. I want to give it another go and see how 2012 shakes out differently. I believe it will, and I look forward to seeing the ways that it might.

So here goes….

Word:
“Prioritize”

Verse:
Proverbs 16:3, “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

Song:

“Empty Me” by Jeremy Camp