Mental Post-Its

Thoughts, Notes, and General Mental Mayhem


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Trauma Training Notes

Out of Darkness Trauma 186930690Training

These notes are from a seminar I attended last summer on trauma. It is part of the on-going education I receive because I volunteer at Solomon House, a short-term recovery center for women who have been trafficked or prostituted. Bethany Blanco of Manna Treatment was the presenter. Just thought I’d share in case anyone else finds it helpful.

PERPETRATOR STRATEGY

  • Emotional and mental strategies make the most sense because they can’t be seen.
  • Exploitation of a victim’s vulnerabilities: take them out of their environment, isolation, fear law enforcement, insult, question them/raise questions, lies, hone in and emphasize vulnerabilities
  • Threats: violence, threat of harm is just as strong as harm, threats of harm to family or things/people they love, surrounding them with other scared women
  • Reward/punishment: showing some kindness to keep them coming back, the possibility of better, relationships form, fear keeps a dutiful slave, occasional violence
  • Praying on commitment: contract, commitment to family (as in they are providing for the victim), providing or caring for the victim’s children

VICTIM RESPONSE

  • Acceptance or dependence
  • Believe they aren’t good enough for anything else, undeserving
  • A lot of eating disorder victims have sexual abuse history
  • The chains are mental.
  • Learned helplessness
  • Reactive stance (How can I minimize the pain best, knowing this will be my situation?)
  • Identify with perpetrators and sympathize (gives them a weird sense of responsibility and control), genuine feelings of guilt, responsibility makes them feel like they could’ve prevented it, integrates into sense of self (Guilt is I did something wrong. Shame says I am wrong.)
  • Semblance of honor by fulfilling commitment
  • Destroys sense of self

RELATIONAL LESSONS

  • Am I worth loving? Are people safe? – These two questions give people a working model for relationships, starting when they are young. Mothers provide first model for this idea. Can be altered based on healthy or unhealthy relationships. This all forms how we relate to others. Social and biological components. Failure to thrive.
  • The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog—book
  • Parts of the brain: reptilian (flight/flight, survival, instinct), mammalian (emotional center), human (logic, last to develop) — Trauma makes you live in reptilian center. It’s only based on response.
  • Be careful with touch until you have a trusting relationship because touch has not been positive for victims.
  • Be safe and consistent.
  • Logic is not very useful in the beginning because they can’t process it.
  • The person of the therapist brings the most success.
  • Being a safe person: know yourself, evaluate motives, examine your own story and find acceptance, learn to be nonreactive, allow them to be who they are without judging, understand that everything makes sense given the circumstance/history/experience/etc, trust the process and give it the time needed
  • After someone shares trauma, ask them how they’re feeling about it. Stay calm to keep them calm.
  • Be careful asking questions before they’re ready to share, and don’t let them share too much too fast.
  • “Grounding” helps people with severe flashbacks focus on the present.
  • Give them a vision for the future. Give them small tasks to build their self worth. Help them see new options. Add life skills.
  • Show them what healthy weakness looks like.


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February Atlanta Events

459993477Ah, amore! It’s may be cold outside, but hearts remain warm inside. However, whether you’re flying solo or part of a duo, there are plenty of things to keep you busy in February.

Stay cozy out there!


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My 2014 Theme

I’ll be honest. This was a hard one. 175739981Last year, my word came so easily to me. It felt right, from the start. This time, I had the word knocking around in my head before the end of the year, but I really needed to sit with it. I still feel like I need to sit with it.

I normally reveal my theme for year earlier in the month, or at least try to. But this time, I just didn’t feel prepared to write the post. I’m still don’t feel like I’m ready, but maybe that’s why I need to. I need to get it out there. I need to start using this lens to look through the next 11+ months. It’s not necessarily that I feel rushed to put the info out there, but then again, January is, of course, the best place with which to start the New Year. As Maria Von Trapp would say, “Let’s start at the very beginning; a very good place to start.”

I really liked the momentum I’ve built over the past two years with SIMPLIFY and PRIORITIZE. I wanted to continue in that vain. I wanted to continue whittling down until only the things I needed were present. (Well, maybe what I needed, and an extra pair of cute shoes.) But then I thought, after you prioritize and simplify, what comes next? Well, for me, it will be CLARIFY.

I’ve been sort of writing this blog post all day. I was trying to think of why I’m hesitant to put the old proverbial pen to paper. And I have one ugly thought: I’m scared. I don’t think I’ve ever had that feeling before when dreaming up my word for the year. Actually, I’m not sure I’m having it now. But it could be. Perhaps it’s just indigestion from this cleanse I’m on. I’m still in the exploration phase, as you can see. Maybe I’m scared of what will be revealed, or what it means for me next. I don’t know. So, here I am, word vomiting for all the world to see. You’re welcome.

But there it is: CLARIFY. My 2014 will be trying to find answers to questions I have, and very likely, answers to questions God has yet to plant in my brain. My plan is also to continue narrowing down my stuff, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I honestly have no idea where it will lead. And even more honestly, that is sort of exciting to me.

There you go, 2014. Let’s CLARIFY together and see what happens.

Psalm 37:23-24

New Living Translation (NLT)

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Why this verse? I thought of others like it and the older, more famous brother, Jeremiah 14:29. But this one won out because I really liked how the two verses fit together, and I really love the second one most of all. I like that it’s honest in that I will stumble, but still comforting. And unlike cousin verses, it describes less God Omnipotent and more Immanuel, God with us. He’s in it with me.

So, bring it on 2014. We’re ready.

For those of you new to reading about my tradition, every year in January, some of my friends and I determine “words for the year” or themes. We use our theme as a lens throughout the year, much like a a guide. We feel it leads us to be more proactive, or intentional, with our lives and time. It is loosely based on the Jewish Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur. Whereas most people only seem to look back on the year after it has passed, we allow this to help us look forward as well. We believe it helps us not just allow life to happen to us, or pass us by as we often describe time, but to be active, thinking participants.


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You’re Invited! Men and Modern-Day Slavery

Men's Panel logoI’d love for you to consider joining me and my friends at Not For Sale Georgia at our upcoming event. We are really excited about it!

______________________________________________

NOT FOR SALE GEORGIA

presents

Men: A Solution to Modern-Day Slavery

Cumberland Community Church

Monday, February 3, 2014

7:00-9:00 p.m.

RSVP HERE

Men have often been perceived as the problem to modern-day slavery. And while that’s true in some cases, it’s certainly not true in all of them.

We’d like to introduce you to a few men who are on the front lines of fighting this issue locally. They are a part of the solution.

Join us as we explore how men, in particular, can confront and challenge modern slavery in big and small ways. We’ll talk candidly about pornography and strip clubs, and how those play a role in the larger issue. And we’ll address how women can support and fight alongside them as they take up this cause. We’ll even answer your questions, and provide you with resources to take the next step.

THIS EVENT IS OPEN TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. Please bring your friends, especially the men in your life and those new to the issue. Let’s empower men to be a bigger part of the solution to slavery.

Panelists include:

Dave McCleary, Rotary Club End Human Trafficking Movement (moderator)

Jeff Shaw, Out of Darkness

Steve Knauts, Ph.D., Medlin Treatment Center

Derek Williams, Back to the Streets Ministry

Jason King, Wellspring Living

 


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January Atlanta Events

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 76766036

If you resolved to get out and about more in 2014, there are some great ideas ahead! Here are a few events to start your year off right.